Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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