I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
