carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
