i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
