I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
