Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
