and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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