Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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