everyone is single if you try hard enough
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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