I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
