I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
