He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
