sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
