Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
