I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Drunk is not a location!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
