The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
