There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
