I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
