I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
