I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
