Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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