Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
