we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
