I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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