and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
