I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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