just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
