If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
