Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
