I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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