Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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