I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
