If i come over, it means nothing
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
