so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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