You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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