You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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