Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize