Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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