i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
