so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
