A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
