I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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