Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
