wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
