I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
