I swear god or herbie drove my car home
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
