its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
