How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
