is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
