You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
