I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Two words: nipple clamps
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