I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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