At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Soap is not a condiment
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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