I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
