It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
