Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
