Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
