So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
