I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
