I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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