Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
