well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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