apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
