garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
